Friday, July 17, 2009

Fear Not?

I hesitate to post this here, but I could really use the prayers and I know many of my readers are absolute prayer warriors. So here goes. I have been suffering from anxiety or panic attacks for nearly a year now. Worst of all, I can't explain why I am having them. I had my first on a night my husband was away and I had to call him at 3 am to have him "talk me down". They are almost always in the middle of the night. I wake up and begin having this overwhelming sense of fear. I'll take my pulse, but usually it is normal. I'll feel nauseated, tingly, light-headed and break out into a cold sweat. They usually last for 10-20 minutes and then it takes awhile longer to settle down enough to get back to sleep. The next day I feel exhausted and shaky.

I've been keeping track in a journal to see if maybe they are hormonally related. I'm not seeing a super strong pattern. I've also been tracking stressors and sometimes those do line up (husband gone on a long trip, misplaced child, getting lost in Baltimore, impending flight) but other nights there isn't an explainable stressor to trigger an attack.

Wingnut and I went to a movie last night. A nice, quiet, enjoyable evening out alone together and there I was in the theater having an attack. I could hardly concentrate on the film but I was finally able to get ahold of myself. It happened again last night, once we hit the hay. I hadn't been asleep an hour before I was up, pacing and taking deep calming breaths. I'll pray "Hail Marys" as well and that really seems to help.

I've finally made an appointment to see a doctor next week. I hope we can get to the bottom of this and that it isn't all in my mind. My mom suffered from panic attacks when I was a teen and so I think there may be a genetic factor at play, but this really is so unlike me and incredibly distressing to me. I'm always in control(can you say "control freak"?) and I hate having this feeling that I am not in control.

Please, please, please, say a prayer for me!
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9 comments:

Party of Eight said...

Hi Maurisa, I prayed for you! If you want to talk in private, I can share my experience with anxiety with you. ~~Amy

Tonya said...

You know, a year ago I moved away. I knew you missed me and were stressed over it, but I'm so sorry it's been THIS bad! :-)

Just joking, trying to make you smile. I will pray for you!!

Your Bro said...

Hey Mau,

Can't get me out of your head can ya? Nah...No joking today just my prayers and love. I know Jen is praying for you as well.

Love Ya Mau!

Your Bro

midwestmom3 said...

I have these as well. So do a few friends of mine. (All women all between 35-50 years old)There seems to be no trigger or reason for any of us. I wish I had answers for you. I offer my prayers for you and the peace that you are not alone in this. I think my husband wishes for a "cure" as much as I do as these middle of the night experiences of mine are just as scary for him!

Dawn said...

The Our Father is a great prayer as well. Remember the Priest asks Our Father to "keep us free from sin and protect us from all anxiety". I am praying for you.

Katie said...

I am praying for you Maurisa! I have had panic attacks before and they are not fun. I send you an email on some thoughts. I have my MA in CSL and did some anxiety work.

Rob said...

Count me in as one praying for you

Sarah said...

Prayers specifically for you, dear. I'm on the rosary after I sign off! Pray the St. Michael prayer (get the chaplet if you don't have it) and the memorare. Trust in God with all your heart and rely not on your own understanding . . . and, do see a doctor, because they work, too.

God bless you, uphold you, and give you peace.

maxbrucewell said...

Just opening up and expressing your anxiety can be heeling!

This might be a opportunity for growth?

Praying for you!

Love

Dad