Friday, April 26, 2013

New Title: Is NFP Stressful?

In the comments section of my recent post Why I Won't Be Changing My Facebook Status to an Equal Sign, an anonymous commenter asked why I would say NFP was stressful.  Upon reviewing what I did write I couldn't find where I said NFP was stressful, nor could I see that I implied NFP was stressful.  No matter, I would like to respond anyway. (As it turns out, the anonymous commenter was actually commenting on a comment from another anonymous commenter who chooses to use birth control because NFP is too stressful--My bad.  Anyhoo, I'm keeping this post mostly intact, as it really is an honest look at the sometimes stressful world of NFP users)

I'm going to be completely honest and admit, that yes at times NFP has not been all sunshine and roses for us.  We are sinful, fallen human beings who sometimes want what we want and what we want does not always or even frequently line up with God's Will.  I'm sorry if this is a shock to real NFP lovers.

I'm by nature a worrier.  Bringing babies into the world exacerbates that.  If we are being 100% honest, pregnancy is a real stinker, and child birth is painful and terrifying.  We've lost two babies in the womb and that worries me.  So yes, I sometimes find NFP difficult in this regard.

For many years Wingnut would deploy for long periods of time, up to three months at a time (easy in comparison to many these days with Afghanistan still a hot bed of conflict).  I would be left with 2, then 3, then 4 small children, far from family and support.  The idea that he could be deployed and I left pregnant or with another little one to care for alone could be quite stressful.

So yes, my embrace of NFP hasn't been perfect.  That is not the fault of NFP.  It is my fallen nature, and yet, I continue to embrace NFP and I believe there is something to be said about perserverance. I absolutely believe NFP has made the difference in our marriage, and I will encourage my own children to make it a part of their marriages.

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Drina said...

Hi -

Enjoyed your thoughtful post. I had not read the post you linked to, so I went back and read it, along with all the comments. I believe that the anonymous commenter was responding not to you, but to a previous anonymous commenter, who said that she used birth control partly to avoid the stress of NFP.

Maurisa said...

Lol, Drina, you are right! The format I was originally looking at did not show the comment as being a reply to another comment and not to my post. Thanks for correcting me. I'll have to indicate my mistake in this post in some way, as I still think being honest about NFP is only right and fair ;)

Drina said...

Easy mistake to make, and perhaps it was meant to be, since it gave good food for thought. :)

Anonymous said...

Hi Maurisa,

I'm the anonymous commenter causing all the confusion, sorry! Glad that's all cleared up. Thanks for you honest NFP comments. I didn't mean to be mean to anyone,I just honestly believe that given the choice between birth control and NFP I still believe that NFP is not stressful.

You see, my mom used contraception and that resulted in two abortions, a very invasive c-section during the birth of her seventh child, numerous uterine infections, abnormal bleeding, ovarian problems, hormonal problems and years later during menopause; near cervical cancer that eventually led to a hysterectomy. God's will and the church's teachings aside; I'm terrified of any form of contraception. I eventually taught my mom NFP and she got to use that and enjoy the joy of being contraceptive free for the remainder of her child-bearingand premenopausal years. However the consequences of her years of contraception use came back to hunt her as it has so often done to so many women.

Is NFP difficult? Oh yes! Like you I lost a child in the womb and that was a devastating experience. I sought the Lord's face and I heard His voice so clearly in my heart speak words if consolation and divine promise,which He fulfilled not too long after. I believe that the NFP journey is very much like the mysteries of the rosary. I don't know what mystery we will experience next but I'm absolutely convinced that the Lord has it all ordered. I have often been known to say this when asked when I can say "I'm done having children", I often tell people that I cannot make that statement because I don't believe I have the right to do so. It just seems to me to be such an arrogant declaration to make to God's hearing without seeking His opinion on the matter first. I believe God gave me and my husband our fecundity and it will solely up to Him to end it all. So when I can't conceive anymore baring any major life threatening condition, then I will for sure that the Lord has spoken loud and clear.

Am I crazy to think this way? Maybe, but I don't expect this of everyone else. However, I believe that contraception is a "shutting" of God out of our hearts, lives, and bedrooms. The very places where the Lord ought to be welcomed in the most.

This is just my two cents. Thanks again Maurisa and may God bless you all.

Maurisa said...

Thank you anonymous for sharing your experience. I heartily agree with you. Discovering NFP was an incredibly freeing experience for my husband and I, and while we love it and would never think of using birth control again, it still isn't completely stress-free. I think people need to know that. Sometimes NFP lovers can be overly positive in selling NFP to others without being realistic enough. What folks really need to know is that anything worth doing (as I believe NFP is absolutely worth it) is worth the stress and the sacrifice. We are happier and hopefully holier in the end.