Chris and I will have been married for 23 years in June. We got married like most folks do, because we were two people in love and we wanted to be happy. Somewhere along the matrimonial road, we realized marriage isn't just about being in love or about being happy. When we chose to live our married lives as Catholics we chose to live our married lives in service, self-sacrifice, and obedience. We don't use contraception, and have done our best to welcome each of our children with open hearts and open arms. We don't ever plan to divorce, knowing I am not the best wife in this world and that Chris and I don't always agree on things -- even important things -- but we keep plugging away at it as faithfully as possible. And for the exact same reasons we do not use contraception or agree with divorce, we do not support gay marriage.
Sadly, the arguments made for gay marriage are the same ones most people accept for contraceptive use and divorce: that somehow these things are good for the "family" and especially children; that marriage is all about reducing stress and increasing the happiness of the husband and wife. Let me tell you this: there is a big difference between being holy and being happy. Marriage (and all we do) should be about being holy. And when you grow in holiness, you grow in true happiness. The opposite is not true, especially if you are growing in a benighted happiness that eschews thinking about profound subjects for a go-along-to-get-along conclusion.
As a Catholic I know and I believe contraception damages marriage, family and society. It comes between husband and wife and God. As a Catholic I know and I believe divorce hurts marriage, family, and society. Divorce cries out, "I know better than You, God!" It is an act of despair, devoid of hope and people are only ever hurt by it. As a Catholic I know and I believe gay marriage hurts marriage, family, and society. It treats mothers and fathers as interchangeable, when they are not. There isn't a study out there that shows children are better off in households in which there is not both a mother and a father present. In fact, every study done has shown the exact opposite. I see the wisdom that has been taught by God through his Church. He loves us and wants us to love Him. His laws, if we obey them, protect us and others from our selfishness.
I can't help but picture mankind as bratty self-absorbed little children bargaining with the Father, "If you just let us have divorce/contraception/abortion/marriage to whomever we wish, we'll be happy." Well folks, this life is not about being happy. Once again, it's about being holy.
I understand why many of our friends and family support gay marriage. It is out of compassion, misplaced, but authentic all the same. I hope they can see that the reasons I have for not supporting gay marriage are also out of compassion. Being homosexual is a very hard life. But take a look around, life is hard for us all. We all have personal desires that are self-seeking. We all want to find love and happiness. It doesn't mean we get to stamp our feet and demand what we want regardless of consequences. As Catholics we believe marriage is a road to sanctity. We can't place our own self serving demands on sanctity.
I won't be changing my profile photo to an equal sign. I won't be cajoled by a mistaken sense of loyalty or compassion into accepting that what is evil is actually good. I hope my friends and family can understand that.
Woe to you that call evil good, and good evil: that put darkness for light, and light for darkness: that put bitter for sweet, and sweet for bitter. Isaiah 5:20