Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Why I Won't be Changing my Profile Picture to an Equal Sign

Chris and I will have been married for 23 years in June. We got married like most folks do, because we were two people in love and we wanted to be happy.  Somewhere along the matrimonial road, we realized marriage isn't just about being in love or about being happy.  When we chose to live our married lives as Catholics we chose to live our married lives in service, self-sacrifice, and obedience.  We don't use contraception, and have done our best to welcome each of our children with open hearts and open arms. We don't ever plan to divorce, knowing I am not the best wife in this world and that Chris and I don't always agree on things -- even important things -- but we keep plugging away at it as faithfully as possible.  And for the exact same reasons we do not use contraception or agree with divorce, we do not support gay marriage.

Sadly, the arguments made for gay marriage are the same ones most people accept for contraceptive use and divorce: that somehow these things are good for the "family" and especially children; that marriage is all about reducing stress and increasing the happiness of the husband and wife.  Let me tell you this:  there is a big difference between being holy and being happy.  Marriage (and all we do) should be about being holy.  And when you grow in holiness, you grow in true happiness.  The opposite is not true, especially if you are growing in a benighted happiness that eschews thinking about profound subjects for a go-along-to-get-along conclusion.

As a Catholic I know and I believe contraception damages marriage, family and society. It comes between husband and wife and God. As a Catholic I know and I believe divorce hurts marriage, family, and society. Divorce cries out, "I know better than You, God!" It is an act of despair, devoid of hope and people are only ever hurt by it. As a Catholic I know and I believe gay marriage hurts marriage, family, and society. It treats mothers and fathers as interchangeable, when they are not. There isn't a study out there that shows children are better off in households in which there is not both a mother and a father present. In fact, every study done has shown the exact opposite. I see the wisdom that has been taught by God through his Church. He loves us and wants us to love Him. His laws, if we obey them, protect us and others from our selfishness.

I can't help but picture mankind as bratty self-absorbed little children bargaining with the Father, "If you just let us have divorce/contraception/abortion/marriage to whomever we wish, we'll be happy."  Well folks, this life is not about being happy. Once again, it's about being holy.

I understand why many of our friends and family support gay marriage.  It is out of compassion, misplaced, but authentic all the same.  I hope they can see that the reasons I have for not supporting gay marriage are also out of compassion.  Being homosexual is a very hard life.  But take a look around, life is hard for us all. We all have personal desires that are self-seeking. We all want to find love and happiness.  It doesn't mean we get to stamp our feet and demand what we want regardless of consequences. As Catholics we believe marriage is a road to sanctity.  We can't place our own self serving demands on sanctity.

I won't be changing my profile photo to an equal sign.  I won't be cajoled by a mistaken sense of loyalty or compassion into accepting that what is evil is actually good. I hope my friends and family can understand that.

 Woe to you that call evil good, and good evil: that put darkness for light, and light for darkness: that put bitter for sweet, and sweet for bitter. Isaiah 5:20 Print Friendly and PDF

11 comments:

Katie said...

Great post Maurisa! Amen!

Kristen @ St Monica's Bridge said...

Very well said. My profile picture continues to be Benedict and Francis praying together, for all of us.

Michelle L. Momof11 said...

Amen!

Natalie said...

Thanks so much! I always want to say what I believe but it never comes out quite as eloqent as I hope and then my message gets lost in a who knows what hoopla.

Anonymous said...

Thank you! It's not easy arguing this point with fellow college-age Americans, but your sincerity and courage give me hope that Truth will shine forth in the end.

God bless you.

Anonymous said...

PS You should get on Twitter! Do you have a profile I could follow?

Proteios1 said...

I admit, I dont follow a lot of the trendier aspects of gay stuff. On campus there is a lot of pro-gay propaganda. A lot. I wonder how much is affirmation and how much is fashionable. These wishy washy trends fade, but one cannot discount their impact on some. But like most trends, I also see this as fading away. The problem is it usually fades because something more 'extreme' or intense comes along.

Anonymous said...

You are being too hard on yourself. Marriage is about being happy, not just about being holy. We carry each other and support each other through sickness and sadness. To always have someone there, to not have to face this world alone, marriage brings us comfort and joy. I, like you, know how hard pregnancy and motherhood is. But unlike you, I use birth control. To have the peace of mind, to say I am open to more children, but not yet, to not have the stress of NFP, this is the emergency brake for a train that might otherwise derail.

Anonymous said...

No created being has ever changed God's mind about the rightness or wrongness of anything.

Anonymous said...

God bless you. But why would you say NFP is stressful but not contraception which goes fundamentally against God's will for marriage? Then there are all the health issues that stem from using contraception. All the women I know that use contraception have one or more health issues from doing so. Why do this to yourselves instead of using NFP? I have used NFP for over 10years and have never found it stressful but quite liberating and all around healthy to boot! Like I said at the beginning; God bless you!

Maurisa said...

Anonymous,

Where in this post did I say NFP was stressful? I wish you would respond to the point of this post rather than put words in my mouth that were not written nor implied. God bless you too.