I am writing to you from the passenger seat in the van as I return home a humbler man.
Maurisa told me about a spicy food challenge here in Salt Lake City-The Hellfire Sushi Challenge at a restaurant down south.
It sounds simple. Eat 6 pieces of spicy sushi, get a t-shirt and your picture on a wall.
But first you gotta prove you're up to the challenge. Eat a couple of pieces of levels 4, 5 & 6 spicy hot sushi. No problem. Lil' Wingnut ate a piece of level 4.
Once I proved my worthiness, I had to sign a waiver and eat 2 pieces of level 6 and one-half. That's when my ears first started to ring.
Undaunted and having proven my chops, they brought me the first 2 pieces of level 7, which I dispatched in short order - only to discover that it had a lingering, building spicy effect.
No problem. It took a few minutes for my next two pieces of Hellfire to arrive, but I made quick work of them. Not as quick as the first two, but quick enough.
Unfortunately, the twelve pieces of sushi I had eaten was mixing with the six or so glasses of Coke, two waters and an uncounted number of ice cubes to make a very uneasy feeling in my tummy. Could I finish? Absolutely . . . if I didn't mind the impending consequences that would be both certain and dire.
In short, I gave up. No t-shirt is worth what I'm going through now much less what I would be going through had I eaten those last two pieces.
Here is B's response:
O.K. Now, 5 hours later my sides stopped hurting. Let me understand this; YOU QUIT?!!! My dear friend you have slipped into civilian life too quickly. The Lt. Col. I knew never quit. I can't believe what a few months have done to you. You clearly needed an eating partner. What a loss.
So, let's go over this. Are you saying that you ate 14 pieces and was starting on 15 & 16? How long did all this take? Was there a time limit? I'm trying to understand where you went wrong. Soda is definitely the wrong thing to drink in any eating competition. That's probably the bulk of what happened. You got too full of gas. If I know you well enough, Pain was not an issue. Right? So we'll blame it on "carbonation".
Was "carbonation" the reason you couldn't drive home? By the way, D wants photos of you recreating your facial features at different points of this competition. Are you going to put the family up in a hotel for the night so they won't hear the earth shattering screams emanating from the bathroom tomorrow morning?
Believe me, I am most intrigued by the prospect of trying this competition. There's got to be a way. Maybe, by then, you'll have built up a tolerance & can walk me through nuances of each level so that we both can have our photos on the wall.
Thanks for the laugh & challenge.